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Attraction to Others and Committed Relationships: Can They Coexist?
They already do, but honesty usually pays the price.
It is always fascinating that some of the people who ask me the most interesting questions about polyamory hold marital vows in high esteem.
These vows are often understood to be the guide and foundation for a life-long relationship. These agreements have been publicly acknowledged in the presence of witnesses and perhaps as a part of religious tradition as the principles that are the basis of the relationship going forward.
The traditional vows have words like love, honor, respect, and even obey. There is often no definition of what these terms mean to the couple or even a publicly acknowledged agreement that the parties involved know what these promises look like when they are lived out. This makes it more likely that these are promises of intention rather than a commitment to actions.
Pre-marital counseling can help create a shared understanding, but the challenge is many couples think that figuring some things out at the beginning of the marriage means they are figured out for all time. That is simply not the case. People grow and change.
Even in my own decades-long marriage, my soon-to-be ex and I have very different definitions of what…
